Kempf: An appendix

People always asked me what I did in my spare time. They couldn’t believe it when I told them I wrote poetry. Well I did. These are a selection of them.


All white, I’ve winded myself

What was that pastie I just ate

You muppet, for nob’s sake

(Don’t mess, don’t mess!)

I’m in a dress

(Pure philth I am)

A puppet in clothes

I wear my trousers rolled

(A crown on my head)

I’m not racist

I like blacks. And chinkys

Can’t stand football

Love it I mean

Aw no I’ve shart myself again

It was that egg I ate

It was the Taliban

O NO! It’s everywhere

It’s all over my face

24 testers, you clown!

Unspeakable acts

I’ve fallen down now

I’m an egg, a clownish mess

With an airtight mouth

Liplocked and loveless


Cor! Here I sit, looking interested,

A planet away in another sphere

Wandering what I shall eat this weekend

My lacunae split like cells in a dish

Nothing is rational all is busted

A hand of hearts betrayed by a spade

An Eskimo frozen in an igloo

Oh what I wouldn’t give

For some potatoes stewed on a tray

But no, for I am not a man

I concern myself with inane

A turd in my brain

Shooting pigeons. While down the street

A boy shouting love to his girl

A girl driving her hoop down the road

The hoop spinning circles round the world

The earth rotating, round and round

Galaxies and milkyways moving up and down

As I sit on my seat munching from my tray


All white.

2 bacon rolls and a bottle of Sprite.

3 teacakes, beans, chips an egg

A hashed brown, lard, figs, fag

Chip fat, a battered planet (geddit)

A rib-eye steak, a bottle of fizz, ribbit,

Rabbit, coffee, tea, beer

Scraps too, more, more….

Oiii-ahhhh, whats wrong wiv you?


Fag, chips

Peas, peas, peas and mash

Don’t scrimp you hag

I need a proper breakfast

Ahhhh, shit all down my chops

It’s spilt

Ave it, av it, av it

The world opens

Ping, pang,  fags, fang

My mouth groans

Wide as the jaws of hell

My pendulum hangs like a bell

I take a big bite

The peas fly in all directions all over the floor

The egg breaks

All over my face


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