Two letters from Ross Kemp

October 5, 2011 § Leave a comment

Letter 1

24/08/11

Morning Charlie Babe, how are ya?

Right I’m gonna do you a favour today….

Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kempt, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kempy, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp. Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kempf, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp, Ross Kemp

There that’ll get ye hits up 😉

Peace

Ross Kemp

Letter 2 

Alright Charlie my sanaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I’m lying in bed, bottle of Liebfraumilch in one hand, replica Walther P-38 in the other.

I’m thinking about my days in the army. The rain is falling outside. Remembering those days….those days……those days…….

Left, right, right, right, left, forwardsssss march!

One two three four I have got a little more, five, six, eight eh…ten….all good men….

Sandhurst. 1998.

Filming my second series of Kemp in the Army. The best days of my life, Charlie. The best days. I was bunking with Swanny, Jonesy, Tooley, Coley, Smithy, Fitzy, Fritzy, Shifty, Danny, Felchy, Jebby, Grahamey, Stanley, Rourkey, Stiff, Jingle, Tingle, Tinkle, Tindall, Spaff, Traducio, Horace, Cliftony, Morris and Ramanamasingsong—good men. They’d bully me sometimes, but that’s life in the army Charlie. Punch me. Call me names. Tie me to the rugger posts and leave me there for the night. Lock me in the gun cabinet. Actually I liked that one Charlie. Oh God that was heaven.

I touched every gun in that cabinet Charlie. Lugers. AK’s, Smith & Wessons, 6-bore, 12-bore, seven barrel, eight load, automatics, clip after clip…..full….I’d make sure that I kept a velvet glove on me just in case.

I met some great men there Charlie. I got on with them all. All except drill Sergeant Shartman. He was an evil man Charlie. He was a hard man. He used to call me Private Piles. One day he gave me a wedgy and pushed my head into the toilet. He said it was all part of the fun. But THAT was taking things a little too far. And he wouldn’t let me eat my sweets. I had them sewn into the lining of my coat. But he found them. He found them all. Opal Fruits, Fizzy Cola Bottles, Strawberry Kisses, Mars Bars, Snickers Bars, Kits Kats, Rolos, Curly Wurlys, Twixs, Twirls, Flakes, Fizzy Cola Bottles, Kisses, Lips, Gobstoppers, Spangles, Jam Spangles, Nerds…..I had em all. He took them all…..metal

Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Thursday….all good men like to kill….

Sandhurst Academy. Bad men. Men that like to kill. Do you like to kill Charlie? Do you? I’m not talking about killing someone in cold blood. Of course not. We like to shoot em between the eyes.

Eeeeyess right!

One time when I was in the ‘nam we sneaked upon a soldier and blew his face off. Kinder I think his name was. German bastard. We hate them. I hate them. I love you Kinder. I’m so sorry….

God I don’t remember Charlie why are you asking me all this?!

One more sip babe, one more…O God, Charlie this Luger feels so light in my hand….jacket

Night babe

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