Letter from John Major

September 28, 2011 § 1 Comment

Ah a sedate evening at the theatre for me and Norma. On the way home we stopped off at our local curry establishment and ordered two takeaway korma meals with boiled rice.

Norma drove us slowly home whilst I took care to balance the currys on my lap, being careful not to spill any. It was at this juncture that Norma decided to turn on the radio. The aggressive noise was hurtful to my ears and I almost tilted the curry ensemble past the diagonal which nearly led to its spilling on my trousers. With this near escape I asked Norma to turn the volume down and we drove back in silence.

On getting home I prepared two mugs of gosh, what was it that we drunk, oh yes two mugs of piping Ovaltine. Norma sat by the fire for a little while perusing the newspapers, while I retired upstairs with my mug, taking with me the latest edition of Wisden Magazine.

When, twenty minutes later, Norma came up to bed I was quite cheerful having read about our trumping the Indians at the Oval. (Though I was also a little sad that the Little Master had not been able to reach his hundredth hundred).

It was at this point that Norma slumped onto the bed and caused me to spill Ovaltine onto myself. I was splashed all down my front and the crotchal area and let out a sharp cry at the experience.

Norma tried to comfort me, but in my distressed state I was of no use to anyone. We both decided to call it a day and went to sleep.

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§ One Response to Letter from John Major

  • I say Charlie old chap,
    How are they treating you old bean? I do hope all is well. I did some ‘Porridge’ myself back in the late ’60s for aiding and abetting Keith Richards to pilfer a crate of Mars Bars from his local Newsagent’s! Rock and roll, what? Oh yes, despite being a mere 91 years of age I can ‘rock out’ with the best of them my dear boy. Although the sight of me walking down my local village High Street singing along to The Smashing Pumpkins on my SONY Cassette Walkman can sometimes raise a few eyebrows!

    Speaking of eyebrows Charlie, some years back, whilst having lunch with a friend in The Grange Holborn Hotel in London, I paid a visit to the Gents.

    Whilst I was standing there doing my… ahem… ‘business’, another chap joined me at the urinal. After a quick sideways glace I realised that it was none other than “Bond” himself – Roger Moore!

    Needless to say, my curiosity got the better of me and I decided to have a… ahem… ‘sneak peek’ downstairs, so to speak.

    Double Oh Seven?? Double Oh NINE AND A HALF more like!! I was well impressed!

    Your chum,
    Brigadier General Sir Raymond Luxury-Yacht O.B.E.

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